I'm a Glittery Mess
Thoughts on Sludge + Spirit
This past February, I rented an apartment in New York City, on the Lower East Side.
At the time, Manhattan wasn’t only cold, it was routinely frosted over. I thought it was my Southern showing when I gawked at the weather, but it turns out that getting 19.7” of snow truly is record breaking (literally, it was one of NYC’s top 10 biggest snowstorms ever recorded).
The Chinese New Year also happened while I was in New York, and living off of Canal Street gave me a front row seat to the festivities. I learned that 2026’s lunar sign was the Fire Horse, representing “bold progress, unstoppable drive, and rapid change…”
Fitting.
There was confetti all over the sidewalks that holiday weekend, and its contrast with days-old snow made me pause. I snapped a photo.
The visual came back to me when I ate my sprinkled ice cream on the 4th of July… Another melting mound of greige, another holiday championing powerful independence.
Another moment feeling like that glittery mess.
Time used to slip through my fingers, weeks were sparkly, and they were over in a snap. Now, minutes feel like marathons, and I’m aware of all 60 seconds that walk (not run) by.
This slowness brings a lot of beauty, but it also brings a lot of sludge.
Sure, there is still confetti… little receipts that remind me that feeling delight is possible, and it’s best when it comes as a surprise.
But the melted mixture of what “was,” what’s “no-more,” and what’s “next” is… not pretty.
Some days are all sprinkles, and other days are drastically devoid… which frustrates me. If I have proof that I can be content, why am I not consistently so?
I’m gonna be real candid and pause the metaphors for a sec– This last week was so bad (it literally started with my friend holding me while I sobbed on the floor) that by the end of it, I made an album in my camera roll called “When I need to feel confident.” Inside are pictures that remind me I can feel good and I will, even if I don’t feel that way all of the time. It’s actually helping, and I would totally recommend it.
Because, let’s face it: we cannot be on fire all of the time, despite 2026’s lunar sign suggesting so. Never fading amidst “bold progress, unstoppable drive, and rapid change?”
For us humans, that is impossible… but it isn’t for Him.
God has an unstoppable drive to move within us boldly, and He will rapidly change our lives in an instant in order to progress us forward.
There’s no frozen sludge or dirty confetti with Him. Instead, there is freshness and wonder–
Which, yes, can at times mean “fresh wounds” and “wondering when.”
But it also means there are always new opportunities for better.
We humans search for ways to find more sparkle to distract from the melt, if not ways to stop the melt.
But, we can’t do that– we can’t avoid pain, think away tears, or snap away stress (trust me, I’ve tried!!). God designed these emotions and for us to feel them. And, He designed us to depend on Him for healing from them.
He loves that we bring every part of our imperfect, glittery mess to Him for help.
Whether it’s as big as a blizzard, or as small as a kid’s scoop of ice cream, His Spirit is greater than any sludge.
Endlessly in awe !!!!!
LOVED this!